An Anniversary, An Argument and Another Perspective
Today is the 56th anniversary of my parent's wedding day. My dad passed away four years ago. Six years ago they repeated their wedding vows in a church ceremony with a cake and reception that included all of their family and friends present. They didn't have that the first time around, but made up for it with that party. It was a terrific day and I'm glad we have it to remember. I know my mom is especially glad to have that memory. These days, she's pretty lonely, June is a tough month for her, and really, it's not that easy for me either, but I know that my own feelings of loss don't compare with the feelings that she experiences. I try to do all I can to ease her lonliness, but I guess that there are some things that cannot be helped by someone else. Our family generally gets through things together, but it's been a tougher year than usual. I don't know why. Maybe it's because we've lost sight of our moorings, the things that used to hold us to the shores.
We've been less forgiving and more judgmental of one another. We look at some habits and beliefs that some of us have and point fingers and shake our heads and forget that none of us are perfect. My siblings and I seem to have inherited my parents' strong wills (double portions) and the belief that we can do anything we put our strength to. We were taught to work hard for what we wanted. We're passionate about our opinions and beliefs. Almost to the end of my dad's life, he and I could argue for hours about a subject. Then he would say, 'well, I guess I'm not going to change your mind and I know you're not going to change my mind,' and just like that, our debate would end. But there was never any loss of love or respect for each another. I think that I miss that more than anything, because it's pretty difficult to find a person with like passion who will argue with all their strength against your opinion, and yet never lose sight of the person that you are and never judge you for your opposite view.
I guess what is most hurtful is when someone you love judges you and believes things not true without ever testing it, without asking if there are circumstances, or perspectives that they didn't see. There are always two sides to a thing. Like my dad and I arguing about a subject, we each believed that we were right and the other person was as wrong as we were right. Of course, there were those times when we learned something new from the other perspective. I can remember a couple of times when my dad said, 'yes, you might be right. Yeah, I can see that.' I can especially remember that I had to say that a lot of times. Did I lose face or my dad's respect? The highest respect that you can give a person is to disagree, even passionately, and yet never judge that person for their belief.
Jesus spoke of judging another person. The judgment that you mete out to another will be measured back to you. If I point my finger at you there are three pointing back at me. I won't say that I never judge a person, it's hard not to do when you see so much stupidity in the world, but I think debating with my dad taught me that just because someone has a different opinion doesn't make them less a person because of it. Who am I to judge a person? God has placed immeasurable value upon each soul. The proof of that is in His Son. His sacrifice was for each human being who has, does or will ever live upon this planet. Who am I to think that any person is less valuable than another. I heard someone say, ' so-and-so gives Christianity a bad name.' Who of us hasn't given Christ a bad name? No one can say that we have been perfect before God.
I guess I'll end this by telling a little story about myself. Recently, I've tried to look at myself as others might be perceiving me and I saw some things I didn't like. Especially, I realized that others may perceive that I'm looking down on them, as if I'm superior in some way. I know that I'm no better than anyone else, but having a strong will often makes me believe that my opinion is always right and everyone else is always wrong. I've prayed about that and I've asked the Holy Spirit to renew a right spirit within me. That's why, in the face of a tough family time right now, I can back off and pray and let God work in the situation. When everything in me wants to attack the issues, set the record straight and point to witnesses and evidence, and point fingers the other way -- well, this one is in God's hands. All that other stuff works in the legal documents and briefs that I've had to write for classes, but this one is in God's classroom. In that environment, you let Him be the lawyer and judge. I don't think it's any mistake that I felt really led to dig out my book on forgiveness about a month ago. Little did I know I would need to hear the lessons taught there. The Holy Spirit is working in me to change my perspective to be focusing upon the One who IS always right!
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! thank you for the lessons of life that I still am learning from you. I'm blessed that my Mom is stil here. Both of them are always in my heart and mind.
Remember to get and give mercy today, we all need it!
We've been less forgiving and more judgmental of one another. We look at some habits and beliefs that some of us have and point fingers and shake our heads and forget that none of us are perfect. My siblings and I seem to have inherited my parents' strong wills (double portions) and the belief that we can do anything we put our strength to. We were taught to work hard for what we wanted. We're passionate about our opinions and beliefs. Almost to the end of my dad's life, he and I could argue for hours about a subject. Then he would say, 'well, I guess I'm not going to change your mind and I know you're not going to change my mind,' and just like that, our debate would end. But there was never any loss of love or respect for each another. I think that I miss that more than anything, because it's pretty difficult to find a person with like passion who will argue with all their strength against your opinion, and yet never lose sight of the person that you are and never judge you for your opposite view.
I guess what is most hurtful is when someone you love judges you and believes things not true without ever testing it, without asking if there are circumstances, or perspectives that they didn't see. There are always two sides to a thing. Like my dad and I arguing about a subject, we each believed that we were right and the other person was as wrong as we were right. Of course, there were those times when we learned something new from the other perspective. I can remember a couple of times when my dad said, 'yes, you might be right. Yeah, I can see that.' I can especially remember that I had to say that a lot of times. Did I lose face or my dad's respect? The highest respect that you can give a person is to disagree, even passionately, and yet never judge that person for their belief.
Jesus spoke of judging another person. The judgment that you mete out to another will be measured back to you. If I point my finger at you there are three pointing back at me. I won't say that I never judge a person, it's hard not to do when you see so much stupidity in the world, but I think debating with my dad taught me that just because someone has a different opinion doesn't make them less a person because of it. Who am I to judge a person? God has placed immeasurable value upon each soul. The proof of that is in His Son. His sacrifice was for each human being who has, does or will ever live upon this planet. Who am I to think that any person is less valuable than another. I heard someone say, ' so-and-so gives Christianity a bad name.' Who of us hasn't given Christ a bad name? No one can say that we have been perfect before God.
I guess I'll end this by telling a little story about myself. Recently, I've tried to look at myself as others might be perceiving me and I saw some things I didn't like. Especially, I realized that others may perceive that I'm looking down on them, as if I'm superior in some way. I know that I'm no better than anyone else, but having a strong will often makes me believe that my opinion is always right and everyone else is always wrong. I've prayed about that and I've asked the Holy Spirit to renew a right spirit within me. That's why, in the face of a tough family time right now, I can back off and pray and let God work in the situation. When everything in me wants to attack the issues, set the record straight and point to witnesses and evidence, and point fingers the other way -- well, this one is in God's hands. All that other stuff works in the legal documents and briefs that I've had to write for classes, but this one is in God's classroom. In that environment, you let Him be the lawyer and judge. I don't think it's any mistake that I felt really led to dig out my book on forgiveness about a month ago. Little did I know I would need to hear the lessons taught there. The Holy Spirit is working in me to change my perspective to be focusing upon the One who IS always right!
Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! thank you for the lessons of life that I still am learning from you. I'm blessed that my Mom is stil here. Both of them are always in my heart and mind.
Remember to get and give mercy today, we all need it!
posted by Deborah at 6:57 AM
3 Comments:
Mom you are so smart and get your point across so good, How could you lose a debate? You're right, debating with gramps was fun and funny to sit and listen to and I will always remember that. I can't get these words out of my head from Elder Ed Dixon, "Don't fret It". Those words are a word from God in this current "Family Climate". Looks as if things are on the mend.
Your son Donald
Hey mom. I love your memories and your uplifting spirit. So many times we forget to look at the big picture and the "little stuff" clouds our perspective during a crisis. Your focus and intent are where they should be! I love you, tiff
What did I ever do to deserve such great children! Not only that, they have both given me wonderful, sweet, beautiful and the most intelligent grandchildren in the world. I know that family things will straighten out because love covers a multitude of sins.
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